Goblin Law

Goblin Rule

Regardless of type (Bat, Gretchling, or Grue), Goblins demand a king. Well, that’s the word they will use, but it isn’t really so narrowly defined. They want more of a demagogue. Even if that demagogue is a broom. As long as it is a N I C E broom, it has a fair shot at kingship. Goblins are fair folk.

This broom probably isn't nice enough. Too craggily. 

There is only one major rule of goblin kingship. The king may not ever leave the warren, unless accompanied by a at least 2/3rds of the tribe. As counting is not universal among goblins, this can be a difficult standard to meet. Kings tend to be lonely.

What is the current king?

1. Actually a broom. Inanimate objects tend to be long lived if not particularly ambitious kings.
2. A particularly large beetle. Half their tie is spent trying to differentiate it from the other bugs of the cave or keeping it from scuttling away.
3.  A Necromancer’s Phylactery. To say the necromancer is disappointed by this arrangement would be an understatement.
4. A Bear. Goblins gravitate towards bear kings, and as solitary and somewhat kindly folk, bears frequently benefit from the arrangement.
5. A terrified, lost adventurer. They want out, and would probably join the party as a hireling (or replacement PC) if given the chance.
6. Against all odds, an actual goblin. Could be dangerous if this lasts.

Role of Rule

The king always looms large in the goblin mind. Major decisions will almost always include consultation with the king, and any politicking between goblin warrens will be resolved exclusively through their kings. Outside of settling disputes and generally guiding the tribe, particular traditions of kingship arise within each warren.

What role has this king?

1. This king is responsible for arming the tribe­—Stuck within the warren, this is rarely an easy task, leading to the stereotype of shoddily armed goblins. But, the king isn’t barred from sending their goblins to fetch materials or even the weapons themselves. So long as they arm everyone they will have fulfilled their duty, but they will have to manage jealousy if the arms vary too much in quality.
2. This king is responsible for defending the warren. In the case of any intruder whatsoever, the king will be shuffled to face and repel them.
3. This king is responsible for recording the deeds and histories of the warren, reciting the histories of individual members in full upon request. As most goblins can’t read, faking the more remote histories isn’t too difficult, though it does take awhile.
4. This king is responsible for the interior decoration and cleanliness of the warren. Failure to maintain a spotless warren at the end of each day are grounds for violent dismissal. These tend to be the most bedraggled kings.
5. This king is responsible for meditation and prophesying on behalf of the tribe. Unless they are fulfilling other kingly duties, they are expected to remain on their throne, eyes closed and mumbling quiet wisdoms.
6. This king is the goblin mother. They are expected to feed and educate each of the little goblinites.

The End of a Reign

One rarely finds a goblin king in service for more than a few weeks at a time. Goblins are fickle creatures, so it is almost inevitable that some disaster, death, or deposition leaves the throne open. Barring these circumstances though, most goblin warrens have longstanding traditions that keep kingships short.

When does a king’s reign end?

1. Monthly. Every new moon, the goblins of the warren claim they “Can’t see their king” in the dark, and move to select a new one. This is a rare opportunity for a king to leave peacefully, as the goblins will knowingly close their eyes to the king until the next day.
2. When the king is seen eating or drinking. The goblins believe their king to be above reproach and without need for sustenance. They’ll be disappointed to find out they’ve been serving a false king.
3. When the king fails a riddle posed by an outsider. These goblins expect a trickster king, so when they see their king bested they’ll move to elect the one who asked the riddle.
4. When the king wants to leave. This leads simultaneously to pretty high turnover, but these are the warrens that tend to eventually end up with the longest lasting kings.
5. When the local witch says so, the goblin king loses their right to reign. She has veto power of most governments around her domain.
6. When the king produces an heir. So long as this heir is remotely similar to the king, the heir will be immediately accepted and selected as king. An unsurprising number of mud effigies have become goblin kings in this way. The departing king receives a gift before being formally cast out of goblindom.

Ascension to Kingship

Election to goblin kingship can be a messy thing. A desperation grips the warren immediately upon the loss of a king, for whatever reason. Each tribe will have its own methods of selection for the heir, but said standards will be swiftly and continuously lowered the longer it takes to find a candidate. If it somehow takes longer than a week to find something to sit as king, the goblins will go feral until something else exerts control. This is a rare opportunity to re-write a warrens traditions and gain a firm grasp of the workings and doings of the tribe.

How is a king selected?

1. By  un-lot. A very large sack is filled with potential candidates for kingship. The sack is shaken, and the last to leave the sack is king. Candidates will be encouraged to leave the sack by sharp pokes from outside of it is taking too long to empty the sack.
2. By size. The largest thing currently in the warren is now king. This includes freestanding rocks.
3. By hat. When time comes to elect a king, the being with the largest hat in the warren immediately becomes king. If there are no hatted beings present, the first hatted being to arrive is immediately king.
4. By appetite. Whoever can eat the most becomes king. This puts a great strain on the goblin food economy, and leads to a lot of bear kings.
5. By ghost. The most ghostlike or likely haunted thing in the warren becomes king. In absence of other evidence, the most pale candidate is considered most haunted.
6. By goblin beauty standards. These standards will depend on warren and goblin type, but they definitely won’t align with regional norms. This may be a good thing.

Goblin Law

Any crime against the goblin warren requires sentencing by goblin law. Presuming the aggressor can be apprehended, the warren will gather for a court. Acquittal under goblin law requires a goblin Fetch, which is something in between a Geas and a Quest. The court will want something impossible, or just very inconvenient. And every goblin will know if you are on a Fetch, no matter where you find them. They will know precisely what you’ve been charged to seek, and if they infer that you have not been nobly pursuing your Fetch, you’ll be marked as profane, dishonorable, and untrustworthy, if not outright attacked for the betrayal.

What must you Fetch?

1. A ball of yarn bigger than a goblin.
2. Boots that have marched across the sea.
3. A blue apple
4. The local witch’s broom, house, or other wyrd transport. (Good luck…)
5. A dragon
6. A portal to the Underdark

Updates – GloGtober the 6^th

Well, I’m quite behind on GLoGtober as expected, but I’m heartened by everyone else's lovely posts and my own continues progress (if not postings) on a variety of pieces. I’ll be catching up a bit over the next few days hopefully! This post doesn’t really acknowledge my previous goblin post as much as I’d have hoped, but my new goal was to make something somewhat goblin agnostic. This certainly isn’t comprehensive, but I think it suggests enough of a goofy goblin mode of kingship to get things started next time I run something with goblins. Inspiration for this silly kingship comes from the goblins of Skerple’s Tomb of the Serpent King, as does the terminology of “warren” rather then tribe for a group of goblin groups.